


Is it raining in heaven (do you want us to cry?)

by TinyButWicked



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brian is a sad bean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Roger is there for him, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 11:57:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18387983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyButWicked/pseuds/TinyButWicked
Summary: Brian is sad, life hurts and he seems to be stuck in his darkness.Thankfully he has his own ray of sunshine to get him through the darkest hours.





	Is it raining in heaven (do you want us to cry?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ClaraCivry (Kat_Of_Dresden)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_Of_Dresden/gifts).



> Hello!
> 
> I like to distract myself with angst now. All hail ClaraCivry(Kat_Of_Dresden) for turning me into such a hoe for angsty Brian!
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy this! All comments and Kudos are appreciated to no end!
> 
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .

_ “A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.”  _

 

Brian found himself thinking about that particular quote quite often. Especially when he found himself sitting at the dinner table at dawn, after wasting a whole night. A whole night’s worth of hours, thinking of nothing and everything at the same time. Unable to get away from the darkness lurking around at the back of his mind.

 

So, maybe he hadn’t discovered the value of life.

 

Letting out a deep, broken sigh he leaned his head to rest on the back of the chair, facing the dirty white ceiling. 46 hours awake. A bitter voice in his head pointed out he had made a new personal record.

 

A new personal record of wasted time, of feeling worthless, of getting lost in his foggy head with no way out. Of being a big disappointment.

 

Maybe his life had no value.

 

The thought tore through Brian’s chest as an actual, physical pain. The sun was slowly peeking over the horizon outside but he saw nothing but darkness and dark clouds. It was supposed to be the warmest week in a long time but all he had been able to feel for days was cold, and the sting of unshed tears in his eyes.

 

Maybe he himself was a waste of time. Maybe he felt like this, because deep down he knew that the universe had half assed his existence because from the start it had known he’d be nothing but a big failure.

 

Brian couldn’t let the tears fall, no matter how hard he tried. The ache behind his eyes and the buzz in his head, caused by the insomnia, felt paralyzing. Strong enough to prevent him from showing any emotions, or name the one’s he was feeling. He was just… Blank. Nothing.

 

He was nothing.

 

Brian lifted his hands to cover his eyes, and pressed down until he saw bright colors behind his lids. Like small fireworks, only there for him. It was easy to imagine that they were his little secret, something to make him feel better.

 

Only they lasted just a few seconds, maybe ten, before they faded into the persistent blackness. There were no fireworks to make him feel better. There was only him and his constant hurt.

 

“Bri?”

 

Brian froze, keeping his face hidden behind his hands. The voice of his boyfriend was still rough with sleep, and laced with an emotion Brian couldn’t quite pinpoint at the moment. 

 

He and his emotional handicapability.

 

“Did you come to bed at all?” Brian heard bare feet shuffling against the wooden floor, and as he slowly let his hands fall from his face and lifted his head from the backrest, he saw Roger standing in front of him.

 

Messy blond hair, bare legs with only the top of his thighs hidden by the hem of his oversized shirt (Brian could have sworn it was from his closet). Sweater paws on a grown man shouldn’t have been so adorable, but when the blonde lifted a hand to rub his eyes with the back of it, Brian felt a tug in his heartstrings.

 

And for the first time in days, it wasn’t from sadness.

 

“I didn’t. I’m sorry”

 

“Don’t be sorry, it happens” Brian could hear it was genuine. There was no judgement. 

 

Roger never judged him.

 

“Do you need some space?” The older man shook his head, not quite able to form words. Not trusting his voice to not give up all of his secrets. Roger didn’t deserve to be burdened with the strain he would most certainly hear in Brian’s voice. Their relationship didn’t deserve the damage it would make if he demanded to be left alone.

 

And he didn’t want to be alone, not really.

 

He wanted to stop hurting.

 

Brian was drifting away from the moment again, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. Nothing and everything at the same time. 

 

But something stopped him from getting lost in the ocean of darkness. He didn’t even know how long he had been silent, but suddenly he had his arms full of Roger. The younger man was straddling him on the chair, carefully wrapping his arms around Brian’s shoulders. Nuzzling his face against the side of his neck, hiding under his curly hair.

 

“I’m here for you” Brian could feel the warm puff of air against his skin as Roger spoke. As an instinct, he wrapped his arms around his boyfriends smaller frame, wanting to protect him from the bad feelings lurking around.

 

“I know” Maybe he really knew it, or had known it at some point at least, but right at that moment it was hard to remember.

 

“You’re okay” Brian closed his eyes, feeling the prick of tears getting stronger. Thankful to every force in the universe that he had Roger.

 

The blonde never told him to ‘just cheer up’. He never gave empty promises of how ‘everything was going to be alright’. He just reminded Brian that he was there, they were both still there, no matter how much life hurt at the time. 

 

“I love you”

 

It was like a dam had broken in Brian’s mind. Suddenly he could feel the hot wet tears running down his cheeks like there was no tomorrow. Giving away everything he was feeling, but also washing it away at the same time. Diluting the pain into a dull throb.

 

“I love you too”

 

Brian knew the pain wasn’t gone forever. He had dealt with it his whole life, long enough to know it would surface again at some point. But right there at that moment, with Roger holding on to him like a baby koala, still warm from sleep, Brian knew his life had a meaning, that it made a difference. No matter how many hours he wasted sitting awake, doing nothing but wading through the seemingly endless darkness, the man falling asleep in his arms would always remind him that he had already found the value of life.

 

And that knowledge was enough to anchor him to the sunlight for a while again.


End file.
